Day 7 NaBloPoMo at yeah write guest blogger: Rarasaur, leader of Team Nano Poblano
Pneumonia again.
After 25 years of recurrences, I’m familiar enough with the symptoms to self-diagnose. I pick up my medication and follow the instructions to some extent:
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- Take two steps backwards, jump one step forward
- Swallow the red pill when you’re down, guzzle a blue pill when you’re hot
- Do the funky chicken
- Drink lots of water
- Rinse and repeat
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I don’t really remember other instances of pneumonia because it’s been too common in my life. Like Thursdays.
Do you remember every Thursday you’ve ever lived? Probably not.
You may, however, remember a show that used to air on Thursdays, or how your mom worked late those days. You might remember study groups held after class in the library, or re-filling your gas tank on the way to a spontaneous Thursday night concert.
You don’t remember the days, exactly, but you remember the shadows of Thursdays.
I couldn’t recount every bout of pneumonia I’ve survived, but I know what all my different coughs mean. I can guess my temperature within 1 degree, every time. I could pick my pills from a Fedora filled with thousands of other different pills.
In other words, I remember the shadows of pneumonia.
The first time is the most clear in my mind. I was only four years old, but I remember learning the hard way that I was allergic to penicillin. I remember a tub filled with ice so cold that it burned. I remember chest pain that I described as an exploding arrow stabbed into my heart. I remember my coma, even though my doctors say I probably don’t.
Today, because of complications, I only have one lung. Well, nearly 60% of one lung, and nearly 40% of the other.
The doctors said I couldn’t run.
I did. Miles and miles a day, for years.
The doctors said I couldn’t sing or play air-based instruments.
I did. On a thousand different stages.
The paperwork says I’m disabled.
I’m not.
The paperwork says I shouldn’t be alive.
I am.
People tell me that these are the experts and I should listen to them. Take the medicine. Stay at home. Forget what I thought I dreamed those nights on the hospital bed. Follow the directions. The real ones.
Breathe softly and carry an inhaler, and I might survive.
What these people don’t understand is that the doctors and paperwork do not possess the expert knowledge that matters to me.
They’re just the shadows of expert knowledge.
I am the only expert on me because I am the only person who hears my lungs, broken though they are, sing to my body. I could spend time following the directions, or I could spend time following the only expert I ever remember my body trusting.
Me.
I practiced yoga till my body knew what it was to breathe fully.
I sang till I knew how to make a voice others could hear.
I played the clarinet till my lungs understood how to pace themselves.
I lived longer than anyone predicted and I did it by taking one breath at a time and going one step farther than I seemed able to go.
I have pneumonia, again, for what feels like the one hundred millionth time. It feels terrible, but I couldn’t tell you if it was worse or better than the last time I was sick, or the last trials of my life, or the last step forward I took.
Compared to everything, it’s not really a trial at all.
Just a shadow.
*****
It’s Day 7 of 30 straight days of blogging. How’s it going? Still into it? Yay! Ready to walk away? Don’t go, there’s a prize drawing tomorrow for yeah write subscribers on the NaBloPoMo grid who didn’t miss a day from Nov. 1 to Nov. 7. The winner will be randomly drawn as will be the prize from our pool of donations. Stay tuned!
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This was such a beautifully written post. Your strength really leapt off the page. ((( hugs ))) Get well soon!
I’m so sorry to hear you are sick. Feel better soon!! Your writing brings inspiration to lots of people 🙂
Aw, Rara! I’m sorry you’re sick, I hope you feel better real quick! I only had pneumonia once, I couldn’t imagine having it over and over … and writing posts all full of happiness and inspiration to boot. You’re remarkable!
Thanks, CK… I’m used to it, so I know I’ll be better soon. 🙂 Thank you for coming by and reading!! *hugs*
Rara , feel better soon. *Hugs*
Thank you, Archita. 😀 *hugs*
Look at you! Your name should be RawrRawr. Because, lady you definitely rawr with life! 🙂
😀 Ha! Thank you!! RAWR!
Rara you are an inspiration. Your positivity and your willingness to keep going shine a light to the rest of us. I hope to one day face the world with the courage, love and positive energy that you bring into every day. Get well soon.
🙂 Aww, thank you, Steph. *hugs*
So awesome that you overcame the obstacles to achieve so much! Feel better.
Thank you, Marcy– I’ve never run into anyone who hasn’t overcome many obstacles, even if they aren’t the same as mine. It’s an awesome, inspiring human trait. 😀 Thanks for reading!!
Hi Rara its a superb, inspiring post.You seem to be a very positive person. Have you taken pneumonia vaccine, it helps a lot.
Something about the vaccine made me very ill and didn’t seem to have any impact. I might be allergic to something in it, as well. Luckily, I’m used to this. Life goes on! 😀 Thanks for the love, Indira!!
Sending Reiki. Envisioning you well.
Thank you, Leigh, it is much appreciated!!! *hugs*
Sorry you’re down; glad you’re not out.
I don’t know how you keep up either.
A while back when you felt blue, I wonder if your immune system wasn’t already cooking up this case of pneumonia.
Get some rest. Look after yourself. 😉
Down but not out, that’s me! 😀 The thought crossed my mind recently, too, but it’s never really taken too much of an emotional toll before– still, I’m already feeling better across the board, so you might be entirely right. 😀 Thank you!!
You and Marilyn…both posting several times a day…WITH pneumonia! How do you guys do it!? Jealous of you both. Great post. Much love, from your Rowmie 😀
😀 You’re rocking NaBloPoMo, too! I think our row just has superpowers. 🙂 Thanks for popping by, Rose!
OK Rara you get major points JUST for knowing what the “Funky Chicken” is!!!
The only dances I know are the strange ones, ha! 😀 Thanks for popping by, Cheri! xo!
Oh no! Sorry you’re sick, Rawra. Get better soon!
Oh, and the fact that you’ve overcome so much is further proof of your badassery. You’re awesome!
😀 Thanks, TD. I know it’ll clear up soon. It always does. 🙂
Tis the season for me to start getting sick too. I wasn’t diagnosed with asthma until I was older, so my endurance has always sucked. I really need to work on that this year…sometime.
Feel better soon!
My advice would be to just practice a little bit every day. 5 deep breaths before bed. You’d be surprised how much stamina can be built up by tiny little steps every day. 🙂 As Mark from http://smallsteps2health.wordpress.com/ would say– small steps add up! Thanks for the good wishes!!
I share your pain. Literally.
Now. Close your eyes and roll forward 45 years. That’s it. You are old and it’s your millionth case of pneumonia. Your grandchildren are tired of hearing your survivor stories. Never mind they are true. They say things like “She’ll never die” because they are sure you won’t.
Just a thought to plant for another day. Oh, and avoid laughing. It makes you wheeze.
Oh yes, the older I get, the more the stories are just shadows– and faded ones, at that. 🙂 Hurrah for planted thoughts, and survivors, and laughter that is entirely worth the wheeze. 😀 Hugs to you, Marilyn, I hope you feel better soon!!
Allow me to give you a hearty DITTO! And drink lots and lots of liquids.
I swear if I drink anymore water, I’ll liquify. 🙂
That is so true! I never had allergies or asthma until I got pregnant and moved out to the boonies. Even now, the only time I seem to have asthmatic episodes is when I laugh to hard. I can exercise, do just about anything else… But belly laughing seems to bring on uncontrollable coughing/wheezing fits. WHich sucks. I like to laugh.
Great post, Rara! You are awe-inspiring in your spirit!
I also feel like laughter should be exempt from pain, ha! 😀 It doesn’t make any sense that something so great can hurt. Thanks for the support!
As always you pulled me in with your story. 🙂 I had pneumonia when I was about 3. It is probably my earliest memory—i was in the hospital in a crib with a nightgown on with little chicks. the music playing was the Theme from a Summer Place and I was scared because my daddy was not there when I woke up. Is that not weird that it is all so vivid in my mind 50 years later????? Fortunately, unlike you, it was my one and only time with that icky illness. Thanks for a great post, great writing and now a song headache with A Theme from a Summer Place banging around in my head!
The memory of my first bout with pneumonia is crystal clear, too. I was 3.5, though I usually round it to 4 for the stories– but I remember being annoying that the nurse kept saying I was 3. Because I was 3 and a HALF. Her name was Susan. They had to call the boy-nurse to pick me up and put me in the tub because I didn’t want to go and I can do this thing with my weight where I become nearly impossible to pick up- a brick deadweight. His name was Tim, but everyone called him Timothy. I’m sorry that anyone has ever had pneumonia, and especially for you since I know how scary it can be when you’re young. I’m also sorry about the earworm, ha! 😀 Thanks for reading, Beth Ann. *hugs*
You are strong and resilient and that is the best thing. I can’t fathom the intensity of what all you have been through but I can understand and empathize with you to a certain extent because I carry a revolizer around with me. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story. You are a wonderful person. 🙂
Thank you, HA. 🙂 Really, truly, it was just a small thing– something I don’t think about most of the time because it’s nearly always been the same. All this insurance talk has brought the paperwork out of the woodwork, though, and this recent bout of pneumonia has reminded me of doctors. Otherwise, I’d just go about life as usual– enjoying my Thursdays. 😀 Thanks for reading!
Awesome writing Rara, I like the idea of Thursday having a shadow, that is what I am taking away from this oddly enough.
Cheers!
Everything has a shadow. I’m happy to have been the one to point out Thursdays’ to you. 🙂 Thanks for reading, Amy!
wow, you amaze me again with your strength and resilience! wishing you a speedy recovery!!
Thank you, Laura. 😀 *hugs*
Wow..Rara…I remember the post you did about your singing teacher asking you take a deep breath and then to take in another…and you said you did. Then now reading this story, you’re an amazing young woman and a great writer to boot 🙂
That was an inspirational story..so thank you for sharing!
Great memory, Shree. 🙂 I suppose that’s why that particular bit of advice stuck with me. It had double meaning for me right off the bat. It hurt to take that second breath, but I did it. And now I do it all the time. So, as Erica so aptly named this post– suck it, pneumonia! 😀 Thanks for reading, Shree!
As a man well versed in the art of shadowmancy I can tell you how wonderful it is that you’ve found a way to defeat even the darkest of nights with mere determination and a smile, in truth these are the strongest weapons against the darkness.
ECHO ECHO
It’s amazing how far a smile will take you. 🙂 Thanks, Echo. *hugs*
You are a breath of fresh air, Rara! And I’m not trying to make a pun or something here haha. It’s the only way to describe you in the short period I got to know you. The way you show others how you see the sunshine in the shadows is so wonderful! I hope you feel better soon and keep on proving others wrong, one breath and twirl at a time. Hugs to you!
Thank you, TJ. 🙂 And thanks for the way you’ve brightened my sickness on Facebook. Now when I hear pneumonia, I’ll think of hair flicks and pillow forts. 🙂 *hugs*
Really? Yaaay!! Let’s add some magic sparkles to it as well please 😀