[huge]”Work it like a spider monkey.” [/huge]

 

[divider_header_h3] What we were looking for [/divider_header_h3]

[toggle_boxed_dark title=”Did your post have one clear idea, the angle, a central conflict, the reason for telling the story?”]There’s got to be a problem, then a problem solved, for there to be a story. You can’t simply list events or detail a conversation.[/toggle_boxed_dark] [toggle_boxed_dark title=”Was the clear idea expressed within the post introduction?”]Get to it. The point.[/toggle_boxed_dark] [toggle_boxed_dark title=”Did your post have a strong and inviting beginning?”]Never attempt to explain to your readers why you’re writing the post, just start writing it. [/toggle_boxed_dark] [toggle_boxed_dark title=”Did your post show your passion for the subject?”]Is it something important to you or just something you wrote?[/toggle_boxed_dark] [toggle_boxed_dark title=”Did you write creatively without clichés and trite phrases?”]Then we kissed your post on the mouth with tongue. [/toggle_boxed_dark] [toggle_boxed_dark title=”Did you take care to properly transition new ideas and subjects within your post?”]If the action was all over the place and we had to read the post twice to get what was happening, we didn’t read it twice, so we don’t know what happened.[/toggle_boxed_dark] [toggle_boxed_dark title=”Did your post have a strong ending that supported your original reason for telling the story?”]Endings are tricky. You can’t just tack one on. The ending should be a natural flow from the conflict to its resolution, even if the resolution isn’t ideal for the protagonist.[/toggle_boxed_dark] 

[divider_header_h3] honorable mentions from the various judges [/divider_header_h3]

On Carrie’s Grumpy Gramps: Carrie showed an honest interaction with her grandfather. It felt real, awkward and special. The conflict was the discomfort in the exchange, which was resolved out of generosity, tribute and whiskey. 
On Finally Mom’s Ota: All the emotions of having a grandfather to love for an entire lifetime then feeling his loss at her wedding are in this story. The “highball with no ice!” in his honor at the wedding reception was a nice, touching detail.

On Your Doctor’s Wife’s First Kiss Then and Now: Poor wood-lipped Jack. No one would have expected Sixth Grade Jack to have been a proficient lip-locker, but when he had a chance to redeem himself in his thirties, he bombed again!  I loved the way Emma built the suspense of sitting on Jack’s couch to give him another shot years later.
On Kianwi’s Endowed: Sweet, simply-told story of budding empathy and breasts. I liked the introduction of the fight in the first paragraph as bait to read the rest of the post. The underdog is victorious, however briefly, and who doesn’t love that? No overt reference to the prompts was a mercy. 

On Just Begin from Here’s Minimum (W)age: The thing I loved most about this teen angst story is that it was not your typical teen angst story.  In a world where immaturity and adolescence is played up and drawn out for far too long, it’s nice to hear of a girl who used part of her teen years in pursuit of something beyond than the typical, superficial things on which most teens fixate.  This post shows that having a job can be very maturing and liberating.  The pride in her $56 paycheck is inspiring.
On Random Reflectionz’s Hands and a Song: The strength in this story lies in the physical descriptions of the environment and actions. Christine shows us the atmosphere in the church, and the moment she describes the clasping hands, the reader knows to prepare for a breakthrough. I also appreciated how the lines of the song were used. The chosen lines move the plot forward instead of recapping what had just been described.  As a reader, I appreciated that. 
 

[divider_header_h3] Jury prize winner  [/divider_header_h3]

[image width=”190″ height=”183″ align=”left” lightbox=”true” caption=”” title=””] https://yeahwrite.me/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/blueleaf_winner_jury66.png[/image] With four judges participating and two first place votes (and one second place), this week’s jury selection is Outlaw Mama’s Blue Baby.

In creating a logical, determined little girl, Outlaw Mama has given us all a glimpse into one of childhood’s greatest traumas followed by triumph. The narrator shares the little girl’s deep affection for her Blue Baby in subtle details of arms longing to cradle the doll and whispered assurances that the doll would never be alone.  Although readers are left to wonder about the grandmother’s motivations, there are hints about jealousy and even disgusted concern about bald spots born of love.  Again subtle, the build-up of tension before the little girl manages to peek over the metal rim to see her doll reveals character and moves plot at once.  Going back for the stool is a delay in gratification as well as characterization. The image used in the post is perfect in its simplicity and directness as well.  We don’t see a vintage photo (which would have also been fantastic); we see evidence that the Blue Baby has truly never again been alone, despite losing her “blueness.”  Well told. 

Congrats, Christine! Please email me your shipping address so I can send you William Strunk Jr.’s The Elements of Style, this week’s jury prize chosen by Michael Gray, our yeah write #66 guest editor.

Yeah write #67 opens Monday: avoiding the traps of amateur writing by yeah write contributing editor Kristin Wald.




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